my first love mends my final days

by mathew lee cothran

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1.
naomi y 02:47
diamonds shatter at your will but your heart breaks against the glass clench your teeth to cage a misery live like a fire in the dark, live like an effigy why naomi? why naomi why? endlessly days carry on you begin and end them all alone secret wounds breathing deep never allowed to come apart, never allowed anything why naomi? why naomi why?
2.
my grandfather worked every day of his life and his only vacation was a few days to die and he made a little money, but money can't buy a little more time cancer turned him into ashes before i said goodbye just "i love you"s at christmas and i hit the road awhile and i made a little money, but money can't buy a little more time rich folks live their whole lives smiling all the while in their final moments they will beg not to die money can buy you happiness money can ease your loneliness money will heal you when you're sick, but money can't buy a little more time
3.
i breathed in the water and i prayed just like you told me yet i am still broken and my dogs they are still hungry why did you tell me there was an answer for my mysteries? they ain't going nowhere with nothing to offer, i become an offering unmade to suffer, and made up to be suffering why did you tell me there was an answer for my mysteries? they ain't going nowhere
4.
sports bar 02:44
i got drunk in the sports bar in here nobody knows me a double vodka and tonic looks like a glass of ice water bury me in the sports bar haven't you heard that i'm crazy? haven't you heard i quit drinking? haven't you heard i'll be dead soon? bury me in the sports bar i want to be mourned by TVs i just wanted to feel lucky i've said goodbye to the good times these days drag by like a lifetime bury me in the sports bar haven't you heard that i'm crazy? haven't you heard i quit drinking? haven't you heard i'll be dead soon? bury me in the sports bar
5.
red white and blue blood and guts line the altar of the son of man and i line my head with sadness and set off for distant lands, and leave behind my body as a rotted offering to be reborn in time i am speaking through the valium to a purple mountain caving in around me and my friends but everyone is laughing tearing holes into the dark to pull an angel through against it's will to be reborn in time
6.
i was going under, thinking about my mother having visions of her as a child trying to love her mother through a vodka bottle and in this vision we were reconciled it's a long way to the meaning of a life i know we'll get there together, on the other side of all this pain we feel, and never know why my mothers strong and i am my mother's child i wish the love was stronger, between me and my father i have visions of him as a child trying to love his father, through a heart's confusion and in this vision we are reconciled and it's a long way to the meaning of a life i know we'll get there together, on the other side of all this pain we feel, and never know why my fathers strong and i am my father's child
7.
living with a gun up to my head when i listen to my wounds and my maniacal regrets i feel like river phoenix if i go down to see your band i feel my life in how you play your agonies and ecstasies we are like river phoenix if you still like to get fucked up i can be your helping hand fall into the sleep of death and dream of river phoenix if you still live across the way we can make amends sometime with soul removal on our minds and love like river phoenix
8.
first love 02:14
my first love mends my final days like a porch light left on after everyone's gone will wait til you're home as long as it can my first love mends my final days i am shored up in pain like a wrist tied in chains like a back made to break i understand my first love mends my final days i remember that kiss the decay in your spit dreams too suffocated by my own hand my first love mends my final days every childhood will end and i know when mine did i tore through my own skin only to see it mend only to see it mend only to see it mend only to see it mend only to see it mend only to see it mend.

about

like flies on sherbet
lawyers in love
come feel me tremble
you know what it's like to be alone and shut down
dream harder

"haven't you heard that i'm crazy?"

credits

released July 27, 2018

written and recorded by mathew lee cothran at home in asheville, NC
singing on "naomi y" by Indigo De Souza
strings on "soul removal (river phoenix)" by caroline white
drum programming on "little more time" by Cup "Sippy" Breakstone
mastered by Bill Henderson

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about

mathew lee cothran Asheville, North Carolina

mathew lee cothran is a songwriter who lives in asheville, nc. he made music under the name coma cinema, and also elvis depressedly.

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